speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
there is glitter all over my balls
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