Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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