Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
