His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
