All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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