If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just invented taco cereal.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
