Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
