There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
