dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
