now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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