I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I smell stomach acid.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
