I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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