I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So vagazzling was a success
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
