no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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