I wanna bring you to show and tell
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
