The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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