Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
