when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
