A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Randomize
