Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
