i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
