His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
