btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
