I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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