there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
