why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Are we still banned from the library?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Randomize
