Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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