I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
