Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize