Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
