Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
