So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
