she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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