You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
