i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
