I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
