That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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