I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
