I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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