My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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