hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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