started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
