I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
