I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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