I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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