im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
