i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
