Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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