How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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