I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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