no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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