shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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