You can't special order awesome
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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