Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Also, beer. Big fan.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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