Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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