Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
it was like eating out sand paper
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
