Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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