Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
