I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
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