Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
