He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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