Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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