the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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