I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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