Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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