i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
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