barbara walters just said penis...
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
